insert title here ;; pseudodragons && plumerians

( NAME ) My name is Ivan. I am not, to set the record straight, named after Ivan IV Vasilyevic, The Grand Prince of Moscow and Tsar of all Russians, who more commonly is known as Ivan the Terrible. Nor named after Hurricane Ivan, Ivanhoe, Ivan Rakitić, or Ivan Pavlov. I am named Ivan because my mothers liked the name. Not too complicated, I wouldn't think...





( GENDER ) I am a male, or so I have been told. Of course, the term 'male' is just that-- a term. Do genders really matter? Yea or nay? I personally think both are right to a degree.





( SEXUALITY ) I'm not interested in anyone at the moment, nor for the next thirty years. A shame, because all the females seem attracted to me. One even attempted romantic contact by yelling 'stranger danger' and pushing me into a swamp.





( BIRTHDAY ) April 22nd, 1991. I was born under the sign of Taurus, the bull. Oh yeah, that also happens to be Earth Day. Funny, isn't it? That's probably why I'm so into preserving our world as we know it. Yep.





( PERSONA ) I'll try, although I tend to romanticize myself. I truly am quite vain.



In what my mother calls my "man-cave", the walls are littered with photography. All my favorite photographers have pictures up on there: Alice Boughton, Émile Gsell, Lucas Samaras, Horatio Ross... some of the lesser known human artists who have contributed brilliant pieces of art to the world! I, of course, cannot take pictures myself as

a. I do not have opposable thumbs.

b. I do not have the the five AAA batteries needed to power said camera

c. Once I took a picture, what would I do with it? Surely not upload it onto the "Enternet".

No, for now, at least, I am content with collecting pictures taken by human photographers.



Sometimes I can sit outside for hours on end, feeling the calm, soothing swish of the wind and the spiky branches of the bush that I'm sitting in. Sometimes I nap, only to be awakened when a sharp stick jabs itself into my neck or tummy. But I do not sit in a bush simply to sleep! I could do that in any old place! I trek a mile to that specific bush so that I can watch birds. Yes, I am a birdwatcher! I know about 140 different kinds of birds by appearance, both males and females. I consider myself far more educated in birds than any other pseudo has been in centuries! And I am but a boy of twenty-three, with decades upon decades more to live! Think of the knowledge I could accumulate! It excites me to no end!





Our surroundings are consistently morphing into something new. Now that filthy, ragged homo sapiens have taken over the ecosystems of the earth, I figure Psuedodragons may not be around for too much longer... Thousands of species have died at the hands of these... beasts. And us Psuedos aren't exactly the world's most common species, are they? The humans only just discovered us! I figure it will take less than 150 years before Psuedos are extinct. My children's generation. We've seen it happen, species being killed for their pelts -- humans take pride in the different skins they wear. How soon will it be before the 'Psuedodragon-skin coat' becomes the new trend?







( LIKES )

◔ birdwatching

◕ any Michael Jackson song

◔ stargazing

◕ organic foods

◔ photography

◕ gardening

◔ collecting soap

◕ philosophy (especially Kant)





( DISLIKES )

◕ deforestation

◔ social events

◕ plastic bags

◔ pollutants

◕ romance of any kind

◔ pesticides

◕ McDonalds

◔ crass persons



( HISTORY )



I was born on April 22nd, 1991, to a same-sex couple living in the lower cliffs of the Andes. I called my parents Mama and Mum-Mum. I have to admit, Mum-Mum didn't look remotely like me.... However, Mama shared my dark coloration.



Mama passed away when I was very young. I still remember Mum-Mum and I sprinkling Mama's ashes over the Magdalena, watching as the lackadaisical current swept her remains downstream.



For a while, we were fine! Mum-Mum suddenly didn't like living so high up, and we moved down to the banks of the Magdalena, where a few other Psuedos stayed. Sometimes I lay awake, hearing Mum-Mum singing to the Magdalena... to Mama.



I forgot to mention - ever since I was a few years old, Mama and Mum-Mum taught me about the importance of nature. They told me that the Homo Sapiens were destroying the planet to serve their own greedy needs. 'To better organize their culture,' Mum-Mum would patiently say, 'Homo Sapiens created a currency. To make more of this currency for themselves, they decided to drill into the ground, cut down the trees with mammoth machinery, and build black webs all over the world.' I grew up afraid of humans. But I grew up tending my parents' extensive garden, studying the local wildlife, and learning to recite works of philosophy. Mama found it very important that I grow to have a good moral structure.



When I got a bit older, I decided I wanted to travel the world. I packed up my bags, kissed Mum-Mum on the cheek, and headed off to Qatar for a year. It was an engaging experience. I learned much about my surroundings, though I had a few frightening close calls (two, actually, one involving large men with clubs and the other with a dumpster on wheels) . But upon my return to the Magdalena, I found that Mum-Mum's mental health had quite deteriorated. A neighbor told me she sang to the river all night long, and spent her days holding her breath underwater.



When I heard this troubling news, I felt it necessary to remove Mum-Mum from the Magdalena. I had us move about ten miles away. This seemed to cease her constant wanderings. However, I wanted to explore more of the world without her -- I knew she wasn't ready to travel as consistently as I wanted. So I sent her to live with her sister, who has a large garden of peonies that need desperate tending to. She currently resides there.